I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
