Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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