my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
