I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
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Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
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Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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