So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
