you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
