Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I would ride that face into the sunset
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
