I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
