Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
