Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she looked like the before picture.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
