it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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