You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
