Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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