he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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