Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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