I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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