I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
