I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
