Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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