I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
