I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
