I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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