just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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