i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
