You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My dick has a subreddit
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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