someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sext me about skeletons
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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