I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
