i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I got her a Nickelback box set.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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