Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
