he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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