Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she peed on how many people?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
