$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
