she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
