He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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