Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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