Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
