just tell him i said nine months
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
