Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
