I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
two words: eviction party
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
