just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
