he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
