Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
