jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
