I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
