can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
