My room smells like vodka and shame
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
