I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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