I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
