I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
