so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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