who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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