Don't make out with my wife yet
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
