"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
