her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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