Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
