11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
