i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
