I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think my vagina is haunted
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
