dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you would pick up someone in the library
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
