Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
