That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
