Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
