i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
