If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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